Friday, August 29, 2008

They Realy Do Walk Among Us - Neighbors

You may have seen the "chain letter" post I made a few days ago "They Walk Among Us - Here's Your Sign...".

That was not my piece of work but funny nonetheless.

I thought I would write my own "The Walk Among Us" piece tonight to share with you a story about my wacky neighbors.

About 9 months ago my next door neighbor who works in the Lawn Care and Pest Control industry told me that the Lawn Care service he worked for was about to be bought by the company that services my lawn. He went on to tell me he didn't like that company and if this merger did go through he would quit... basically out of foolish pride.

One month later and the Company Truck disappeared. Another month later and his wife whom I have never seen smoke in the 7 years they have lived next door started smoking. I take it she was a little stressed by her husband's foolish antics of quitting a perfectly good job.

Soon after my neighbor has a new job working for a new Pest Control company.

My wife and I talked with our neighbors one day and they went on to tell us about how this area was becoming so dangerous, so violent and way too expensive to live in and how they were going to sell their house and move up to Alabama. They went on to tell us that anyone that would raise a child in Florida needed to have their head examined.

Of course you know as well as I do that the Housing Market isn't its best right now and it probably isn't a good time to try to sell a house.

My neighbors insisted that they had done so many great upgrades to their home that it would sell in less than a month. Well, months later and still nothing... no For Sale sign, no Realtor box on the door. Very curious.

About a month ago my wife runs into our neighbor and she was telling my wife "our house has issues" and went on to explain that due to these "issues" they were having a hard time selling the house.

Let's step back and define these issues as I know them:

  1. New room built within the garage but not taking up the entire garage.
    No Permit for room addition in garage
  2. New Swimming Pool
    No Permit for the Pool and No Child Safety Gate as require by Florida Law
  3. New Fence
    No Permit and Fence sits one foot into my property however my neighbor insists the fence is one foot into his property
You can probably see where they could possibly have some issues here.

Can these issues be remedied? Yes, of course, however, they will need to get City and/or County Inspectors to come out and they will need to pay fines and make any adjustments necessary including the possibility of removing the new structures.

How do you sell a house with "issues"? Well if your my neighbors you default on your Mortgage Payments to force yourself into Foreclosure.

I guess with the housing market being as bad as it is these days and houses being foreclosed left and right my neighbors just assumed this would be a good "out" for them.

So, they went up to Alabama, bought a new house and then just stopped paying the mortgage on the home they are living in.

Already they deserve an "Idiot Sign" but it gets better.

They rented the smallest U-Haul they could get and began making multiple trips back and forth between Florida and Alabama but if that wasn't dumb enough, every time they would pull up to the house to fill it up they would park across the street. They only did this twice but still, dumb.

Did you guess by now that my neighbors may be a little "redneck"? Well, they are and they have the car on cinder blocks in the front yard to prove it.

Well, not cinder blocks but it might as well be.

Two years ago their daughter turned 16 and her grandparents gave her a car. Her parents never let her drive the car so it has just sat in the driveway ever since. Of course the tires developed slow leaks in the Florida heat and so they fill up the tires with air once every other month.

For the past 3 months they have been trying to get it to crank. Yes, leaving a car sitting without ever driving it can have bad affects on the engine :)

So about every other weekend for the past 3 4 months it has been amusing to watch as these yokels will come out, pump the tires up with air and then try to crank the engine. This is usually followed by checking the battery connections then a jump from their other car that never seems to work.

Somehow it just hasn't dawned on them that Gas goes bad over time and what other fluids may have been in there (oil, transmission fluid, etc) has probably since all dried up and gummed up the system. Of course all the seals and gaskets are probably all shot to hell now as well.

The only way that car is going to go anywhere is to have all the seals, gaskets and spark plugs replaced, as well as all fluids (including gas after the old stale stuff is drained of course). Put in a new battery and then pray it will start.

I'm not even a "car guy" and I know that.

So tonight as I am sitting here at almost 11:00pm my yokel neighbors are loading up all the "big things" in the house and trying to sneak out during the night. I assume that "sneaking out" is their plan as they didn't start loading up the truck until 10:00pm. With a 3 day holiday weekend I am sure they could have gotten plenty help and surely better light to do this in the morning.

The funny part is that the U-Haul was sitting there when I got home at 3:45pm so if the plan was to "sneak out in the night" I think they have already failed miserably.

Oh, to make matters worse, they also rented a hitch to tow that car that won't start up with them to Alabama.

Can you believe that? They have had this car for 2 years and it was already an old, used car (late 80's / early 90's Mustang). They have never been successful at getting it to start and now they are going to tow it to their new house in Alabama.

Well, I guess they are moving to the perfect state... they will probably not have an HOA there so putting it up on cinder blocks will blend in real nice with their new neighborhood.

I should make up a "They Walk Among Us" sign and go post it on their U-Haul.

You folks definitely deserve a sign!

Watch out, they definitely do walk among us and unfortunately they not only breed but they vote as well.

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