You Can Be Replaced - By Chocolate

Its Saturday morning and I wake up at 7:00am to hear my 2 year old calling out "Mommy, Daddy" so even though I could have used another couple of hours of sleep I get up to go take care of him.

I open up his door and walk in thinking he would be happy to see Daddy but I'm greet with "No, Mommy" over and over and over.

While I attempted to calm my son down all he would do is yell "Mommy, Mommy".

After a good 10 minutes of this my son switches his moaning to "chocolate milk".

So, I get up, take him to the kitchen to fix him up some chocolate milk (Ovaltine of course) and everybody is happy.

The moral of the story... don't kid yourself, you can always be replaced, by chocolate :-)

They Realy Do Walk Among Us - Neighbors

You may have seen the "chain letter" post I made a few days ago "They Walk Among Us - Here's Your Sign...".

That was not my piece of work but funny nonetheless.

I thought I would write my own "The Walk Among Us" piece tonight to share with you a story about my wacky neighbors.

About 9 months ago my next door neighbor who works in the Lawn Care and Pest Control industry told me that the Lawn Care service he worked for was about to be bought by the company that services my lawn. He went on to tell me he didn't like that company and if this merger did go through he would quit... basically out of foolish pride.

One month later and the Company Truck disappeared. Another month later and his wife whom I have never seen smoke in the 7 years they have lived next door started smoking. I take it she was a little stressed by her husband's foolish antics of quitting a perfectly good job.

Soon after my neighbor has a new job working for a new Pest Control company.

My wife and I talked with our neighbors one day and they went on to tell us about how this area was becoming so dangerous, so violent and way too expensive to live in and how they were going to sell their house and move up to Alabama. They went on to tell us that anyone that would raise a child in Florida needed to have their head examined.

Of course you know as well as I do that the Housing Market isn't its best right now and it probably isn't a good time to try to sell a house.

My neighbors insisted that they had done so many great upgrades to their home that it would sell in less than a month. Well, months later and still nothing... no For Sale sign, no Realtor box on the door. Very curious.

About a month ago my wife runs into our neighbor and she was telling my wife "our house has issues" and went on to explain that due to these "issues" they were having a hard time selling the house.

Let's step back and define these issues as I know them:

1. New room built within the garage but not taking up the entire garage.
   No Permit for room addition in garage
2. New Swimming Pool
   No Permit for the Pool and No Child Safety Gate as require by Florida Law
3. New Fence
   No Permit and Fence sits one foot into my property however my neighbor insists the fence is one foot into his property

You can probably see where they could possibly have some issues here.

Can these issues be remedied? Yes, of course, however, they will need to get City and/or County Inspectors to come out and they will need to pay fines and make any adjustments necessary including the possibility of removing the new structures.

How do you sell a house with "issues"? Well if your my neighbors you default on your Mortgage Payments to force yourself into Foreclosure.

I guess with the housing market being as bad as it is these days and houses being foreclosed left and right my neighbors just assumed this would be a good "out" for them.

So, they went up to Alabama, bought a new house and then just stopped paying the mortgage on the home they are living in.

Already they deserve an "Idiot Sign" but it gets better.

They rented the smallest U-Haul they could get and began making multiple trips back and forth between Florida and Alabama but if that wasn't dumb enough, every time they would pull up to the house to fill it up they would park across the street. They only did this twice but still, dumb.

Did you guess by now that my neighbors may be a little "redneck"? Well, they are and they have the car on cinder blocks in the front yard to prove it.

Well, not cinder blocks but it might as well be.

Two years ago their daughter turned 16 and her grandparents gave her a car. Her parents never let her drive the car so it has just sat in the driveway ever since. Of course the tires developed slow leaks in the Florida heat and so they fill up the tires with air once every other month.

For the past 3 months they have been trying to get it to crank. Yes, leaving a car sitting without ever driving it can have bad affects on the engine :)

So about every other weekend for the past 3 4 months it has been amusing to watch as these yokels will come out, pump the tires up with air and then try to crank the engine. This is usually followed by checking the battery connections then a jump from their other car that never seems to work.

Somehow it just hasn't dawned on them that Gas goes bad over time and what other fluids may have been in there (oil, transmission fluid, etc) has probably since all dried up and gummed up the system. Of course all the seals and gaskets are probably all shot to hell now as well.

The only way that car is going to go anywhere is to have all the seals, gaskets and spark plugs replaced, as well as all fluids (including gas after the old stale stuff is drained of course). Put in a new battery and then pray it will start.

I'm not even a "car guy" and I know that.

So tonight as I am sitting here at almost 11:00pm my yokel neighbors are loading up all the "big things" in the house and trying to sneak out during the night. I assume that "sneaking out" is their plan as they didn't start loading up the truck until 10:00pm. With a 3 day holiday weekend I am sure they could have gotten plenty help and surely better light to do this in the morning.

The funny part is that the U-Haul was sitting there when I got home at 3:45pm so if the plan was to "sneak out in the night" I think they have already failed miserably.

Oh, to make matters worse, they also rented a hitch to tow that car that won't start up with them to Alabama.

Can you believe that? They have had this car for 2 years and it was already an old, used car (late 80's / early 90's Mustang). They have never been successful at getting it to start and now they are going to tow it to their new house in Alabama.

Well, I guess they are moving to the perfect state... they will probably not have an HOA there so putting it up on cinder blocks will blend in real nice with their new neighborhood.

I should make up a "They Walk Among Us" sign and go post it on their U-Haul.

You folks definitely deserve a sign!

Watch out, they definitely do walk among us and unfortunately they not only breed but they vote as well.

They Walk Among Us - Here's your sign...

A buddy of mine sent this to me today and rather than forwarding it on to all my family and friends, I figured I would just post it to my blog for all to share.

Enjoy :)


Number One Idiot of 2007

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at thepoison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away.

Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.

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Number Two Idiot of 2007

Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locater beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.

Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the paint might run.

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Number Three Idiot of 2007

A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, 'Put all your muny in this bag.' While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, 'OK' and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.

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Number Four Idiot of 2007

A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.

Wise guy........

But you still get a sign

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Number Five Idiot of 2007

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, 'Because I don't believe you are over 21.' The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs a sign.

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Number Six Idiot of 2007

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, 'Nobody move!' When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

This guy doesn't even deserve a sign

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Idiot Number Seven of 2007

Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

Yep, here's your sign.

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Idiot Number Eight of 2007

I live in a semi-rural area ( Weyauwega , Wisconsin ). We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! - I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

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STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and they REPRODUCE...

Good Customer Service... or Bad in the case of Quiznos

I had an experience at Quiznos tonight that just infuriated me. So much so that I decided to write about it just to vent my frustrations.

We have a local Quiznos within walking distance of my house. My wife decided that she wanted Chinese for dinner but she went to Quiznos to pick up food for me.

I ordered a Salad and a Cup of Chili. Did I need the Chili? Probably not but I wanted it just the same :)

When my wife got home I went through the bags and pulled out my salad and then went for the Chili only to find out it wasn't Chili, instead, it was Broccoli and Cheddar Cheese Soup.

First off, I don't even like Broccoli Soup, my wife doesn't like it either and she certainly would not have ordered it for me.

Considering that I have had positive experiences at this Quiznos before and it is just down the street, I opted to eat my Salad since that was my main meal and then I drove down to Quiznos to get my Chili.

I walked into the store and before I even opened my mouth, the woman behind the counter just shouted out "your wife ordered the broccoli soup". I was totally taken aback by this because I hadn't even said a word yet and the lady was already getting belligerent with me.

I tried to explain to the cashier, who happened to be the manager and owner, that my wife would not have ordered me Broccoli Soup as she not only knows that I don't like it but she doesn't as well. The cashier just shook her head and told me in no uncertain words that my wife ordered the Broccoli Soup.

She then went on to tell me that my kids were going crazy and that my 2 year old took a cookie that we didn't pay for and he started eating it. This was outrageous. Now she is trying to make my family out to be monsters.

I calmly and politely told the cashier that it may be possible, however unlikely that my wife asked for Chili but with the kids acting up maybe she (the cashier) might have repeated back "Broccoli Soup" and my wife might have said "yes" but in either case I not only wanted Chili but I even wrote it down on a piece of paper for my wife.

The cashier then went on to tell me that my wife didn't show her the order I wrote down and that it was my wife's mistake. Again, trying to remain calm I again told her that my wife knows better than to order me Broccoli Soup.

The cashier then filled up a cup with Chili then turned to me and said "take the Broccoli Soup, otherwise it will go to waste". I thanked her but reminded her that neither my wife nor myself liked Broccoli Soup so either way it would go to waste. This infuriated her.

She then went on to tell me that she was losing money on me. That now she was not only out of a cup of Chili but she would have to throw away a cup of Broccoli Soup as well.

First off, I paid for the Broccoli Soup which was $2.69. Yes, she is out of one cup of "soup" but in the big scheme of things, what is better, being down $2.69 because you made a customer happy by providing them with Good Customer Service ensuring that not only they will come back but so will the other customers in the store, or is it better to be down $2.69 and have a Customer go online to fill out a very negative Customer Experience Survey, write a scathing blog article and then never come back and have the other customers awaiting their order to see this and think to themselves "I'm never coming back here again"?

By the way, I saw the Cookie that my son supposedly ate while in the store. It was still wrapped up and "whole" when I left to go back to the store. In fact, when I got back home and mentioned that to my wife, her story is that my son was asking for a cookie and when she said "no" he began crying so the cashier not only gave him a cookie but she also took a paper towel and wiped my son's tears away saying "don't cry". My wife told me the cashier seemed so nice. By the way, while the cashier did "give" the cookie to my son, we most definitely did pay for it... we paid $1.29 for that cookie which is highway robbery in and of itself.

Am I blowing this out of proportion? Maybe but this is something all store owners, and employees need to learn. Good Customer Service is the key to a successful business.

This particular Quiznos is run like a "Mom and Pop" store by an immigrant family. You can tell that all the money they have been able to scrape up was put into opening this store and this is their life. If this venture fails they are ruined.

That is just my take of things from each time I have visited this location.

With that in mind though, you would think that they would go out of their way to make their Customers happy.

Well, they didn't make this customer very happy and I will not be visiting this Quiznos again.

Looping through Constants and other Fields

In a project I inherited I noticed that the previous Developer made heavy use of Constants and tended to do some rather laborious if/then conditional checks related to these Constants.

Here is the pattern of code used:

if (MethodToCheckIfNeeded(Class.Constant))

return (MethodToDoAction(Class.Constant);

NOTE: You would replace "Class" with the defining class/type and "Constant" to the specific Constant value you are inspecting

The idea is that the IF condition runs a "check" based on the value of the Constant to determine if action is needed. If action is indeed necessary then the code runs the associated "action" method sending in the same Constant value as the parameter.

This is not only laborious but it means that for every new Constant of the "type" being checked you have to go add corresponding if/then checks everywhere to handle this new data.

The really bad part is that this same conditional check is done several times based on the same Constant values. The previous Developer just kept doing that over and over again. You would have thought he would have seen a "pattern" there.

This Developer also tended to prefix Constant Variables with a "type" such as PARAM, FLD or TBL. With this in mind, we can easily loop through the "fields" of the class to either make a list or initiate an action on a given Constant.

Here is a solution that can easily be re-used:

// Define the Constant Values to be used
public const string PARAM_ONE = "This";
public const string PARAM_TWO = "is";
public const string PARAM_THREE = "a";
public const string PARAM_FOUR = "better";
public const string PARAM_FIVE = "solution";


...


FieldInfo[] fieldInfo = this.GetType().GetFields();

string constantValues = string.Empty;

foreach (FieldInfo fi in fieldInfo)
{

// We are only looking for Constants
if (fi.IsLiteral)
{

if (fi.Name.Substring(0, 6) == "PARAM_")

constantValues += fi.GetValue(fi) + " ";

}

}

if (constantValues != string.Empty)

MessageBox.Show(constantValues);

Notice in the sample above that I am checking only for Constants that have a prefix of "PARAM_".

Also notice that I am limiting my check down to "literals" which means they are values that are defined at runtime and not changed (i.e. Constants).

There are other checks you can do there as well.

Another thing to note is that the GetFields() method also provides for further filtering using BindingFlags such as Public, Static, etc. In this case my Constants are Public and that is the default for GetFields().

Just to illustrate the technique, I am concatenating the values of the "PARAM" Constants into a single String and Displaying the "message" via a MessageBox.

In the case of the problem I am trying to solve, in the loop I could call the "IsNeeded" method using the Constant's Value and in the "then" part of the condition I could call the "Action" method with that same value.

You could further create a List of these values that could be re-used in other methods so that you don't have to re-run this code again to retrieve the values but either way you still have to do a loop to get the job done.

Clean, simple and I don't have to keep adding new if/then code every time I add new Constants of a given "type".

I like it :)

I'm sure there are other solutions so if anyone would care to share please do.

I'm Away From My Desk

Have you had that problem at work where people can't seem to find you when you are away from your desk?

Maybe you were doing something important like dealing with a customer, gathering project requirements or heaven forbid, getting a drink of water or going to the bathroom.

For some reason somebody always wants to make a fuss.

Here is the solution:

• Send your photograph here
• Make sure to get the "optional" speech bubble
• Include the message "I'm not here but feel free to call me"
• Pencil in your Cell Phone Number

This should be the perfect solution. No more worries of not being able to reach you. Voice Mail, Email and your Cell Phone are always available options for those willing to take the time.


Enjoy :)

Proud Dad, Special Moments

I rarely ever post anything about my family here but I thought I would after last night.

Those of you that are parents know there are milestones with children, things that make you proud and things that touch your heart.

Yesterday, for the first time my 2 year old said "I Love You Dada". It just brings a smile to my face.

I'm not so sure he understands what that means but he does realize it is something you say to another person and is the proper response when someone says it to you.

Sorry to get all mushy but I just thought I would post that.

Oh and yes, he even said he loves his baby brother too :)

Holy Crap It's The Poop Sign!!!

A buddy of mine sent me this today and I just had to share :)

OH MY GOD IT'S THE POOP SIGN

That poor girl on the right looks like she needs to add more fiber to her diet :)